Without question, children can be demanding. Children of all ages; demanding. It is true that our young people become more independent as they get older, however the demands are fundamentally still the same. We all have a small number of basic needs as human beings that we desire to meet. In fact, William Glasser has done a wonderful study on Choice Theory which I believe helps us to better understand human behaviour. I have used the findings from many of his psychological studies to frame my thinking on this topic.
So what must parents, carers, teachers, coaches and other adults involved in the lives of children be aware of when responsible for the well-being of today’s youth?
We need to be aware of the five basic needs and they are as follows;
- The need to explore
- The need to get involved
- The need to do things their way
- The need to play
- The need to eat and drink
In contrast to Maslow’s theory of needs, the above list does not come in any specific order; there is no heirachy. These five needs are all on the same level and therefore one is no more important than the other and in many circumstances, will overlap each other. At the core, our young people desire five things which in turn will allow them to access the incredible information and opportunities in this world. It is our job to ensure that we meet these needs.
You may be asking yourself, “Well what happens if one or more of these needs aren’t met?”
In the classic eighties movie, Gremlins, the cute little furry creature named Gizmo came with some basic rules (needs). If you know the movie then you know how not meeting those needs worked out for the neighbourhood…
When one or more of these five basic needs aren’t being met, we change our behaviour in order to fulfil the need we are lacking.
For example:
You are sitting amongst colleagues all engaged in an informal small group discussion. You find the topic interesting but so do the others and you’re struggling to jump in with your comments. You want to get involved but the loud dialogue around you makes you feel as though you’re not being given a chance to be heard. You now must choose how to behave. You decide to raise your voice above the already climbing decibel level of familiar voices as you are determined to be heard. You are almost shouting before the others pay attention to the point you are making: now you have their attention. Satisfaction rushes through your body and you feel complete after getting involved in the discussion.
Eventhough in this example, you momentarily fullfilled one of your basic needs, you did not display the type of behaviour that is conducive to a healthy debate.
Given that speaking loudly to be heard in itself won’t necessarily damage our society, we often see, hear and read about behaviours that do. We all need quality time with family, positive friendship groups, clubs etc however ongoing absence of these relationships can at the very least leave us feeling lonely and withdrawn. In other cases can lead to the involvement with gangs (or groups with gang-like attitudes). These counterproductive lifestyles or groups can appear to be the only provision that meets a person’s desire to be involved with others.
The same is also true for the other four basic needs if they are not being met by a child’s environment. For example, in the absence of regular healthy meals, a child may pester his friend for a snack from their lunchbox, they may borrow money from another child to purchase food or a they may even resort to stealing from others or from the canteen in order to meet their basic survival needs.
A child also needs to feel in control of their lives; autonomy. A child without self-worth may seek power over others with the intent to gain control. This is commonly seen as bullying and is often undetected or inappropriately addressed by adults.
Children with inadequate amounts of play time or quality of play time may attempt to find fun and enjoyment during times where concentration and focus is need. A child who is not given sufficient time of quality play would possibly be that same student who attempts to disrupt the quiet room with immature noises or distracts others from working sensibly.
Children need to be given opportunities to explore and experiment. In the absence of freedom, they may choose to rebel, walk out of class, make up their own rules in a competitive situation etc. This particular child who is rarely granted with their individual space may find every reason to leave the house, come home late after curfew and possibly hide items of clothing or accessories that their parent’s would disapprove of.
As I had previously stated, these basic needs may overlap with each other in certain circumstances and accurately linking behaviour to just one of these needs in isolation is not straight forward. Human behaviour is unique to the individual, accountable to the individual, and if we are really going to understand behaviour, we must build a positive relationship with the individual.
Earlier, casually made reference to the movie, Gremlins. While the fictional storyline and knee-height monsters are far from reality, there’s a powerful message that links the Joe Dante classic movie to Glasser’s Choice Theory. If those responsible for nuturing today’s youth aren’t providing a loving home, teaching engaging lessons or leading purposeful sessions that meet their basic needs, then we may just have Gremlins multiplying exponentially around us.
